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Marcia Fudge
All-Star Fantasy Secretary of Agriculture
Marcia Fudge brings decades of experience in public service, particularly in addressing food insecurity and supporting rural and urban agricultural communities. As a former chair of the House Agriculture Subcommittee on Nutrition, she has been a strong advocate for expanding access to healthy food, strengthening food assistance programs, and supporting farmers, particularly those from historically marginalized communities. Her leadership has emphasized the importance of equitable food policies that ensure all Americans have access to nutritious meals.
In her role as Secretary of Agriculture, Fudge has focused on revitalizing rural economies, strengthening support for small farmers, and expanding agricultural research and innovation. She has also been instrumental in improving school nutrition programs and ensuring that federal agricultural policies reflect the needs of diverse communities. Her expertise in nutrition policy and economic development has positioned her as a strong advocate for a fairer and more resilient agricultural system.
If you’re looking for a VP who can lead with heart, fight for working people, and deliver a powerful takedown of JD Vance with a smile, Tim Walz is your guy. A former high school teacher and National Guard veteran, Walz has always had the backs of everyday Americans—especially the middle class. As Governor of Minnesota, he’s been a champion for unions, fair wages, and making sure hard work actually pays off.
And let’s not forget his legendary debate moments—his sharp, no-nonsense dismantling of JD Vance during the presidential campaign was so effective that even fact-checkers needed a breather. Whether it’s standing up for working families, rallying behind labor rights, or keeping the opposition on their toes, Walz is the VP you want in your corner—just don’t challenge him to a debate unless you’re ready for a reality check.
Brooke Rollins, Current Secretary of Agriculture
Now Playing: Secretary Brooke Rollins in “The Hunger Games: USDA Edition”
In this dystopian reboot, Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins brings a bold new vision to America’s food system: less food, less safety, more corporate cheer!
She bravely eliminates the outdated programs that once helped schools and food banks buy fresh produce from local farmers. Why support communities when Big Ag has coupons?
Then, in a thrilling plot twist, Rollins dissolves the only two national food safety committees that experts relied on to prevent outbreaks. Why inspect meat when you can inspect profits?
Her closing line: “If you liked E. coli in your spinach, you’ll love what I’m cooking up next.”
His biggest accomplishment so far has been trying to bully and humiliate President Zelensky into repeatedly thanking President Trump—while Trump was busy extorting Ukraine’s natural resources from him in exchange for the survival of his country. A perfect VP for the Mafia, not the United States.