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President E's Policies for the People
Adapted From Senator Sanders’ Website With a Dash of Humor
- Medicare for All: Because going broke over a paper cut shouldn’t be part of the American Dream.
- A Living Wage for All Workers: Raise the minimum wage to $15/hour—because nobody should have to work three jobs to afford guacamole.
- Tackling Climate Change with a Green New Deal: Saving the planet while giving you more solar panels to brag about at brunch.
- Tuition-Free College and Student Debt Relief: Imagine a world where your degree doesn’t come with a lifetime subscription to debt collectors.
- Universal Childcare and Paid Family Leave: Parenting is hard enough—let’s make sure the system doesn’t add to the chaos.
- Breaking Up Big Banks and Corporate Greed: Too big to fail? Not in this administration. Consider us the bouncers of Wall Street.
- Strengthening Social Security: Because everyone deserves more golden and less tarnished years.
- Reforming Immigration: Welcoming people to America with open arms, not endless paperwork.
- Ending Endless Wars: Let’s fight climate change, not countries—unless they’re hoarding chocolate.
- Justice for All: Systemic racism ends here. Also, gerrymandering is canceled, like your least favorite TV show.